By Charla Muller, Betsy Thorpe

In a candid and lightly funny memoir, the writer describes how, after years of a great marriage and childrens, she launched into a plan to reconnect along with her husband and to revive intimacy to their courting by way of embarking on a plan of scheduled intercourse.

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Things were rolling right along, progressing both emotionally and physically.  Everything really got moving once he said he loved me.  Lots of tongue and wetness and slurping sounds. Touching and being touched was infinitely more arousing.  It was like a learning experience for my senses.  With him, I achieved my first orgasm that wasn’t given to me by yours truly. I loved every bit of attention I was receiving. It felt good, and I was in love. I also learned a lot about giving attention. His penis was the first I’d seen in real life.

It’s society’s fault, not mine. I told myself that when I would wake up from a dream involving a woman. When I’d masturbate and the person I was thinking about suddenly became a woman. Even finding my panties and cunt wet with arousal after hanging out with a woman I liked (as a friend) didn’t change my identity as a straight woman. I shared my theory about society and female attraction with my best friend. She agreed with me (which meant I was right). I was straight and it was society’s fault I was attracted to other women.

I have always played the subservient, docile woman. Even when watching porn, it was always of some submissive, busty blonde being subjugated by a strict, dominant man. I have been tied up, had sensory deprivation, been spanked and whipped, and been called a ‘dirty little slut’ more times than I can count. However, after recently ending a particularly difficult long-term romantic relationship that was borderline emotionally abusive, it suddenly repulsed me to see women being taken advantage of in porn, regardless of whether or not it is fictional.

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